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Wit and Wisdom

It Took 60 Votes to Write This

“Gentlemen, the do-gooders want to destroy centuries of Senate tradition by making filibusters, holds and other venerable delaying tactics more difficult.  We have to get organized to stop them before the new Congress convenes on January 5.   Is it OK with everybody if I lead the effort?”

“Sorry, Senator, but someone in the meeting put a secret hold on your nomination.”

“Who? Why?”

“Now, it wouldn’t be a secret if we knew, would it?”

“Very well, we’ll have an election.  The chair will entertain nominations from the floor.”

“I object.”

“On what grounds?”

“On the grounds that I want to sit closer to the window.”

“What’s that got to do with stopping Senate rules reform?”

“Seems relevant to me.  In any case, I won’t let us proceed until I’m no longer smashed in this corner under the coat rack.”

“Will someone give up their seat so the Senator can be closer the window?”

“If we’re going to be rearranging the seating, I want to send out for more coffee.”

“Fine. Show of hands: who wants more coffee?”

“Uh, Senator, we can’t vote on that.  There’s a threatened filibuster.”

“By whom?”

“Remember me? Coat rack guy?”

“I see: you’re going to sit there and complain until we let you switch seats?”

“Me?  No, I’m actually stepping out for a bite to eat.  But my threat stands.”

“Hey, if you’re going out, could you bring back some coffee?”

“Not and have any respect for minority rights.”

“Wait a minute!  I know a majority of the people in this room want to stop Senate rules reform.  Why can’t we cut through all this nonsense and just do it?”

“And ignore the traditions of the meeting?”

“Traditions?  The meeting’s only been going on for five minutes!”

“And look what we’ve accomplished.”

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