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Move Over, Colbert

Some of the religious-minded saw a political message from God in the earthquake, hurricane and flood that hit Washington in quick succession this summer.  Recent FEC filings, however, reveal it wasn’t the Almighty behind the string of meteorological disasters, but a force perhaps even stronger: a super PAC—specifically, the Get Our Dominance (GOD) Super PAC.  (Thanks to recent Supreme Court rulings, and much to the consternation of campaign reformers, Super PAC’s can raise and spend unlimited amounts of political money with little or no oversight or disclosure.)

We sat down with the director of GOD Super PAC to find out more about the organization’s goals.

US: What does GOD Super PAC hope to accomplish?

GODSP: We want the American public to know how angry God is with the mess in Washington.

US: He told you so?

GODSP: No, that’s the one thing we can’t do as a Super PAC: coordinate with the candidate.  But we have faith that we’re accurately representing His views.

US: Wait a minute: “candidate”?  Is God running for something?

GODSP: Most observers agree there’s still plenty of room in a largely unsettled GOP presidential field.  If there’s time for Chris Christy to get in the race, there’s time for God. Remember, He’d be starting with excellent name recognition and very high favorables.
US: How do the earthquake, hurricane and flood come in?

GODSP: We’re softening up the political class and media for the ultimate campaign launch. Of course, they’re mostly atheists, so we had to go all Old Testament to get their attention.

US: But how did GOD Super PAC cause all these natural disasters?

GODSP: I’m afraid that’s proprietary information we’re not required to disclose.  

US: How much does an earthquake cost, anyway?

GODSP: I don’t have to tell you.  But believe me, it ain’t cheap.  

US: So where’d you get the money?

GODSP: Wouldn’t you like to know?  But check the wording on the door you just came through: “Super PAC,” my friend. Don’t have to say.

US: Many might think it’s impossible for a PAC—even a Super PAC—to cause catastrophes on that scale with no Heavenly assistance.

GODSP: I didn’t say there was no assistance, I said there was no coordination. If we just happened to come up with the same idea as God and pursue it along parallel lines towards a common goal—well, that’s not against the rules, that’s just good luck.

US: But are you sure God’s running for president?

GODSP: God knows.  But that’s what we’re praying for.

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